Monday, August 25, 2014

Just a quick update...

Ironic that in my last post - which was quite awhile ago - that I mentioned that my metabolism sucked.
Turns out that it's an actual medical diagnosis.  Sucky Metabolism.  Well, that's not the real term for it.  But essentially my metabolism is completely and utterly broken.  So for those of you wondering "how can she only be eating 1200 calories, working out 2+ hours a day and still not being losing copious amounts of weight???"  WELL - the answer is because my body won't let me.  It thinks I'm anorexic.  Like seriously underweight.  Which I'm seriously not.  I'm also hypoglycemic and my blood sugar plumets when I eat (like below 50) and my insulin soars.  Both of those events send signals to my brain that I'm "starving" and need to eat immediately.  So what I thought was a completely lack of self control (WHY am I hungry - I Just ate???!) was actually my body screaming at me to eat.
I've learned a lot over the last year about leptin levels ( blood tests show my leptin levels are at 10.3. They should be 36+) and how the brain works together with certain hormones to control how your body does (and doesn't!!) lose weight.

I'm going to try to start blogging my progress with Dr. Emily Cooper as we unravel all that is my "sucky metabolism"!!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

well, THAT was dumb.

It's been hard to find time for myself lately.  Baby, job, business, teenagers, baseball, house...I seem to give them all priority over me.  I haven't found balance yet.  It's so much easier to blame everyone else.  They NEED me, right? But who's left to look out for me.  Nobody.  I mean, my family loves me but if I don't tell them I need help, they can't help me.
So here I am.  I've been neglecting my working out/training.  It's an essential part of getting healthy.  My metabolism sucks.  I didn't get to 300+ pounds with an amazing metabolism.  (Chicken/Egg - did I kill it or was it already bad?).  I know that even with gastric bypass and a 1200 calorie diet, I still struggle to lose weight without copious amounts of exercise (again: was I born this way or did years of neglect teach my body this?).
I signed up for an Olympic Distance triathlon a couple months ago.  And had a few events in between to keep me on track.  I did a sprint tri, a 5k, a warrior dash.  And this last weekend was the Olympic distance tri. I was not ready for it but showed up and gave it 100% effort.
Besides not training adequately, there were a few other things that went wrong.  There was fog.  Dense, cold fog.  So the race was delayed by more than an hour.  And then they started the sprint distance racers first.  Which left me 1.25 hours behind schedule.  And swimming "blind" - we couldn't see more than one buoy at a time.  So sighting was impossible.  I wasn't the only swimmer having to stop multiple times to re-sight and adjust course.  Frustrating and the beginning of a mental slip and slide...straight into Negative-ville.
I came out of the water ahead of people - that felt good.  I passed people on the swim.  That felt good.  Then I got on the bike *cue horror music*
I am the most under trained on the bike.  My longest ride was 12 miles - in a sprint tri.  This race was a 28 mile bike route.  Out and back, out and back.  At one point I was talking to myself out loud "I am strong, I deserve, I will FINISH".  Over and over again.  I was in severe pain.  My lower back, my legs, my feet.  All hurt.  And because of the start delay it was getting hot out and the sun was beating down.  I'm a Seattle-ite.  I practically have moss growing on me.  Direct sunlight is less damaging to vampires.  It drained me of anything I MIGHT have had left.  But I finished the bike.  And wasn't last.  There were 5 or 6 people behind me.  Good enough.  I was happy to be alive.  And really kicking myself for not being prepared in any way shape or form.  Storing those thoughts in the permanent memory banks to withdraw them again on days that I felt training was going to be a challenge.  I wanted a these hard thoughts to be my  motivation in the coming days, weeks, months as I continue to train for more events.  I want to remember the hurt: physical and mental.  
I did make it back to the transition area and sat down to put my running shoes on.  For the first time, in a long time - maybe ever, I considered quitting.  I had just spent everything to complete 28 miles on the bike.  And now I was asking my legs to run 6.2 miles.  The heat was even worse, the route was not shaded, and I set off chugging from a huge water bottle.  My husband and both my sons trotted along side me out of the transition area and bid me good luck as I set off for the first loop of the 2 loop course.  I did the math in my head, I was pretty sure that unless I could channel Prefontaine (not bloody likely), I wasn't going to make the 4 hour cutoff.  This was something I had to forcefully put out of my mind.  I was going to run/walk/limp until I crossed the finish line.  And I did.  My run turned to a jog.  With bouts of walking.  And muttering.  I tried singing.  I tried the "I'm strong" mantra.  But I was so far into my negative thoughts that I told myself to "shut up" several times.  I kept drinking water and cursing the hot day.  And - again - storing those feelings of failure to motivate me at a later date.
Somewhere around mile 5, my husband jogged from the opposite direction to cheer me on.  And he said something unbelievable "the girl behind you is catching you!"  I thought he was joking.  There certainly wasn't anyone behind me.  Good lord.  But there WAS!

Then she passed me.  I was dead last.  My son joined me for the final .5 mile - encouraging me the best he could.  I hurt.  Every muscle, every cell.  I was sunburned.  I was defeated in every way.  it wasn't until later that I could/would celebrate finishing.  My son gathered my bike and gear, my husband loaded the baby back into the stroller and we slowly made our way back to the car.

While it may not have been a great race, there are certainly a lot of take away lessons to be learned.  And I'll be applying them.  And training.  And putting myself first more often.

My weight is down to 197.  My goal is 150 by Christmas.  My path is training and eating healthy.  My next race is another Olympic distance - this time as a relay -  on Sept. 16.

Until next time!


Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I lost my one year old!!

My just turned one year old weighs 17.5 pounds.  As of Monday, I've lost 18 pounds.  That's more than my baby!!

I'm training as much as possible - Monday/Wednesday/Thursday is Master's swim team, I try to get gym workouts on those days as well. Tuesday is a long run - to and from daycare: 6.25 miles.  My next race is 8/11/12 - Lake Tye Olympic distance.  I'm a little lot nervous.  There's a 4 hour cut off.  My goal is to finish under 3.5 hours.  But I'm still nervous.  My bike training is non-existent:  having someone watch the baby while I go ride my bike around has been a challenge.  Everything else I do I have childcare arranged but the "extra" time of riding has been difficult.  Oh well.

My eating has been great.  No candy since the beginning of March, no chips/salty foods since the end of March.  It hasn't been easy.  It's getting easier though.  I can only hope that someday it will be easy.
48 days ago I weighed 214.5 pounds.  Today I weigh 196.5.  I'm aiming for 193 by Sunday.  I'm working very hard at every aspect: food, thinking about food, exercise, and training for triathlons.

I'm trying to blog as often as possible but between work, kids, training, etc - it's complicated to find computer time without a baby on my lap!!  Next post will include some weight loss pictures.

And in between everything going on, I am really loving being a "new mom" again.  We celebrated our son's first birthday last weekend (and although the cake looked AMAZING - I only ate one bite!).  Here's a couple pictures from that day:
"You bringing me cake or WHAT?!"
Cuteness overload!

My friend Dawn made the goodies - including this AWESOME cake!!

Cookies by Dawn
More cookies by Dawn

Cowboy cookies by Dawn

All three of my kids - I'm so proud of each of them!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

post race ramp up

Getting back into the swing of blogging - harder than it sounds!  It's so easy when things are going well but it gets harder when there are struggles to admit to.  90% of my eating is going really well.  50% of my working out is going well.  I'm working on getting both of those closer to 100%.

I had a big race on Sunday (Lake Stevens 70.3) but woke up feeling sick on Saturday.  Same thing Baby has had all that week.  One of us stayed home with him all week.  He's better now but I woke up Saturday with my throat on fire.  Feeling unwell is a trigger for me.  Add "taper" (no exercise before a big race) and "carbo loading" (supposedly eating to fuel for a big race - my brain needs to sort out carbo loading from binge eating).

I wasn't completely out of control but I made some not so great choices.  I'm not eating candy (since March) and salty snacks/chips (since April) and I've stuck to being abstinent.  But I haven't been able to break the sweets.  In between, I'm eating healthy.  See how good I am at rationalizing??  Yesterday I signed up for a weight loss contest with a group of friends.  The reward?  $200.  That kicked my butt squarely back on the wagon.

I'm back on track as of yesterday.   I even made it to the gym (tail end of my cold meant a horrific cough - I'm sure there's someone blogging out there about the lady at the gym with the cough...).  We have joined the YMCA - great facility plus nice child care.  Perfect for us.  So last night, I fed the baby, handed him off to his teen sister (swim team goes past child care hours) and then headed to the Y with my teen son in tow.  I put in 2.83 miles on the treadmill (39:56 minutes, 14:06/mile avg. speed) and then did the ActivTrax weights workout.  I love this workout - I go to the kiosk and print out my weight training.  It's easy to read, easy to track.  Yesterday was lower body.  And there's a core workout/abs with every session.

Then it was time for swim team.  Given that breathing without coughing is still an issue right now, I let the coach know that I wasn't 100%.  I was willing to GIVE it 100% but was going to play it by ear.  I'm in the slow lane and he modifies the workouts for my lane anyway.  And last night I was the only one in lane #1.  So it worked out well.  The coach is great - helping me with my stroke (and God knows, it needs help - I've got a lifetime of bad habits to correct - I almost wish I could do a "stroke reboot" and start over!!).  I made it 55 minutes or so and then had my son refill my water bottle.  Coach ended my workout at that point, stressing that my face was red and I looked done.  I happily got out of the water and headed for the locker room.  A little hot sauna just for fun and then a shower and headed for home.

I called ahead and had my daughter run a bath - part of baby's bedtime routine is bath, food, bed - and it was nearly bedtime for him.  I stopped at the store and picked up some goodies for an awesome salad and a cheap cut of steak.  Dinner!

I got the baby to bed, fixed dinner, and sat down to bask in the accomplishment of working out and eating healthy - even if it's just for a day.  It really is about One Day At A Time.

Race Report:

Lake Stevens Half Ironman 70.3.

Sunday morning, 4am, my throat was on fire. But I had a team counting on me. So I ate a banana and headed to my cousin's house, walking distance from the race. I ate some oatmeal there and then we headed down. We got there in plenty of time - got body marked (glad it's only my AGE they wrote on my calf for everyone to see...) and then paced nervously until it was time to line up for my wave start

Event warmup:

I got in the water by the shore - which was stinky like gasoline - eww!! I swam a little bit but mostly I was concentrating on sucking on cough drops to ease the throat pain.

   Swim (1.2 miles)


I'm still struggling to put my head in the water but I had decided I was going to just do it. 11 strokes at a time. It mostly worked. I even caught up to a few swimmers from the previous wave. But I don't think I overtook anyone from my wave. I would say I got my face in about 75% of the time - a vast improvement for me. With my sore throat and generally feeling like doo, I was happy to have made it the full distance.

What would you do differently?:

Not get sick? I need to get in a lot more OWS and really get my face in the water and work on my stroke more. What swim training I've done is definately helping but I've got a long way to go before attempting this race solo in 2013.

finishing time: 47:02

Friday, July 13, 2012

sneaking in to say "hi" and I'm still alive!

Baby will be one on Monday - I've been training again, finally.  I've done one tri, one 5 k and this weekend I'm on a relay team as the swimmer for a half ironman.  My weight has gone from 240 (9 months pregnant) to 198 (6 weeks postpartum) to 214.5 from inattentiveness.
I'm currently sitting at 202.5 - I started watching what I eat and really tracking workouts a month ago.  Down 12 pounds in one month.  I've got pictures but since I'm posting from work, they're going to have to wait!!
I do have a gratuitous baby picture though:

and a picture of me on the bike portion of my sprint Tri last month:

I'll add more of the missing details over the next week or so.  I really need to get rolling on this blog again.  I know I draw inspiration from reading other people's journeys and hopefully someone can get the same from me!

Until next time!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Self-Control/Self discipline "muscles"

There was a report on the radio this morning as I was headed to work.  I listened with one ear while enjoying one of the few moments in the day when my time is MY time (yes, commuting is my only "me" time...). 
The report was something along the lines of "the more you resists things, the easier it gets."  And my first thought was "DUH!"
Then I subconsciously smacked myself in the forehead.  DUH.  It's like any other skill - physical or mental.  You have to practice to get it right.  I can't walk out on a basketball court and expect to sink 3 pointers.  Or any pointers really.  But if I practice really (REALLY) hard, I may be able to eventually play a decent game.  Globetrotter I'll never be but I bet I could be a team player on a rec team.  With practice. 
Not that I WANT to play basketball (I'm 5'-6" on a good day and frankly not very good at ball sports).  But there are other "skills" that I need to work on.  Self control.  Self discipline.  And, like muscles, they need to be worked out to be stronger and more effective.
My self control and self discipline - much like the rest of my muscles - are pretty flabby.  Honestly I used pregnancy as the Grand Excuse to go back on all of my food habits.  Yes, I didn't feel well.  Yes, I needed to eat more.  But I didn't eat as healthy as I should and I ate crap.  I still eat crap.  I've lost all the progress I made on the self control/self discipline front.  And like the rest of the muscles, I WILL start working out those skills.
Yesterday was my first day (again) without candy.  It's hard.  It's become such a habit - a fidget - that it's hard to realize when I'm doing it.  Like biting your nails.  Looking down and thinking "now when did THAT happen!?"  I've been eating compulsively.  I have healthy options but I've been "treating" myself and it's not healthy.  Not for my weight, not for my food addiction. 
So yesterday I did 24 "reps" of self-control.  No candy.  And today I'll to 24 more.  And I'll picture building those muscles.  I'll have shapely calves AND healthy self control.  Eventually. 

Today's weigh in was encouraging:  204.5 pounds. 

And tonight I'll get a picture and some measurements - because my self discipline applies to following through on commitments. 

Monday, February 6, 2012

207 - hard to type that!

Ok - my tri training has started but my eating hasn't stopped. 
How's that for a fine "where ya been, how ya doing" post. 
I've been sporadically training - time is such a premium and frankly, I'm not prioritizing it the way I know I need to be.  Not only that but if I start REALLY training then I have to address the landslide of eating I've been doing.  It's bad people.  Really really bad.  As bad as it's ever been.  I'll leave it at that. 
Today however, I start on Day 1 again.  No candy.  None.  In fact I still had candy left on my desk from Friday.  And I threw it away.  Me.  Really.  Threw it away.  And I'm committing to blogging on a regular basis.  Because I NEED to.  Because I HAVE to.  Because it works for me.
So tomorrow I'll be back with pictures and measurements - and my plan.
Meanwhile - more gratuitous baby pictures - this is from halloween!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Look who's still alive!!

And gearing up to start working out again.  As the new baby reaches his 6 month 'birthday' I'm ready to start.  Why has it taken me this long?  It's a long list.  Mostly excuses.  Some more valid than others (new mom, breastfeeding, new job) some not as valid (I would have to give up junk food again, I would have to make the time, I would have to get off my butt and find my motivation again).
That's where the blog comes in handy again.  I'm going to use it again as my motivation.  Use the "audience" that's implied to get my butt moving again.  I don't have a scale anymore and haven't decided if I will replace it (it broke, I know I'm 200 pounds post baby but I haven't seen the number in a couple weeks now). 
I'm jump starting all of it by signing up for races.  A couple sprint Triathalons and joining a relay for a half ironman - yes, really! 
This entry is short - just a "hi, how are you?!" until I have time to write more.  But I'm here.  I'm back.  I'm getting ready to lose the final 50 pounds.  And help anyone else willing to join me on this journey!
Meanwhile - here's a picture of my amazing baby boy - born July 17, 2011.  That's a blog unto itself!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Full Term - and back to 240

another fly by posting...

Yesterday was 40 weeks 0 days for me - technically known as the "due date"  someone forgot to inform the human growing inside me of that fact however.  He's late.  Oh well - I trust mother nature knows what she's doing.

But since this blog was started as a weight loss blog - the "weight loss" news is that I'm back to 240 pounds.  How depressing is that?  I know it's for a good cause and I'm actually doing pretty ok with it - but I can't say I'm not anxious to see how the scale reacts after he's born and in the weeks following. 
Will I be excited to watch the weight drop off?  Will I be disappointed that it's not dropping fast enough?  Will I be able to regain my momentum and get back on the proverbial wagon? 
Only time will tell. 
Stay tuned though - I will be back. 
If this pregnancy has taught me one thing - it's that I don't want to go through life this heavy ever again.  My body is NOT happy with the extra bulk.

So - until this baby is born - and I'm back on track - thanks for sticking with me!


Thursday, April 7, 2011

13 weeks to go - the scale broke

27 weeks pregnant now - scale's been inching up, emotionally it's hard to deal with.  High emotions = more eating = higher numbers = high emotions.  See where this is going?

Downward spiral - emotionally at least.  I've been SO busy with work, commuting, teenagers, and helping hubby keep shop open and running.  I'm overloaded.  And without the downtime, I'm eating worse than usual.  I don't have time to plan let alone cook.  But I'm determined and not giving up.  It's never too late, right? 

At 27 weeks, I'm up 22 pounds - I won't lie, as much as I know that it's ok and encouraged to gain weight to grow a healthy baby, it's still really difficult to watch the scale go up.  I know that every pound I gain is another pound I have to lose. 

I really don't have much to blog about these days - life it rushing past and there's not many "victories" - I feel silly blogging about kicks and baby hiccups and growing out of even some of my maternity clothes.  I haven't even taken many pictures of my baby bump - but I'm getting comments asking when I'm due and co-workers and family are rubbing the bump. 

We've scheduled our birthing class - well, twice actually.  Hubby's business has a big open house the weekend after the major local car show.  i've been pestering him for the dates (but didn't bother to look them up myself).  He finally said "just book the birthing class, it's more important".  So I did. 
And it was the SAME weekend.  Wouldn't you know it?!  So I re-booked the birthing class - taking weeknight classes for 5 weeks vs. 2 days over a weekend.  So now we're taking a birthing class.  It's more for hubby than for me (I keep saying that but who am I kidding - it's been FIFTEEN years since I gave birth - I remember the main details but the particulars are pretty fuzzy at this point!). 

We've started a registry (including a jogging stroller - I'm determined to pick back up again after baby!), bought some "couldn't resist" baby clothes - hubby's a huge fan of ducks so a lot of the clothes we find are duck themed.  Including this:

We're doing newborn professional photos so I'm hoping this is as cute on our baby as the picture is!!

Ok - time to go back to work - just a quick update.  No news is good news, right?  I'm still following several blogs, but honestly I'm just frustrated to compare my gain to other people's losses.  I'm thrilled that so many people I've been following for over a year are still doing great and dropping pounds and still with the program.  I'm just frustrated that I feel like I'm still 3 months away from starting over again.  If that makes any sense...