Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Day 2...things I struggle with

Struggles - not much about eating is easy or fun for me. Cooking and baking - that part I love. Eating? Not so much. Not to say I don't enjoy it but it's such a grab basket of emotions that it becomes a chore. So I tend to block out when I'm eating.
Anyone else out there reach down for another bite and find that at some point between when you started eating and that fuzzy period to now, you've finished your food. The meal you vowed to enjoy, the snack you spent the morning planning and thinking about - gone. It's almost a black out - and you didn't get to enjoy a single bite. And now, if you're lucky, you're full and have to wait until the next meal/snack to eat again. Or not. I overeat. Even with gastric bypass. Not as much as before - but eating when you're not hungry is technically overeating, regardless of quantity.
I struggle with obsession. There are some foods that I obsess about. And they're not always predictable. Oh sure - chocolate can disstract me from nearly anything. But sometimes it's a juicy steak, or a loaded baked potato, or even a diet soda. My brain likes to take a simple thought, a small picture, the mention of a word - and turn it into a "GOT TO HAVE IT NOW" obsession. It's this habit that I so often struggle with. There are aisles in the grocery store that I just have to avoid (or RUSH through!!) when I'm eating healthy.
One of the best pieces of advice someone once gave me was "If you buy it, you will eat it." And it's so true!! I currently have a pack of cookies at my house. And they've been there for awhile. But I crave them, I obsess about them - and I've given in once. It was easier when the package wasn't open. But now that it is, it's like "game on" i ate 7 the first time (but did log them!) and last night I treated myself to 3 of them (on the log as well - so that's progress).
But the fact that I ate the first 4 after making sure nobody was listening, stealthily opening the package and eating them in secret.
Ya - I got issues. I know.

ending this on a more positive note: I do not struggle with drinking large quantities of water. I do not struggle with eating in front of people. I can't think of anything else. Surely there's more that I do NOT struggle with.
or not.


No comments: