Friday, February 5, 2010

Friday check in

Ok - I've decided that since part of the drive to start a blog was to be accountible for my weigh ins. Friday. That's the day. I will start reporting my weight on Fridays. Today it's 222.4 pounds.
I'm still struggling with how to format this blog - to keep it organized and, perhaps, make it interesting and helpful for other people. I've been reading other blogs and I'm SO not worthy - I want to just quote so much of what I read because they say what I'm feeling and thinking in a much more witty and entertaining way. so far I'm talking to myself - but maybe someday someone out there will stumble on my blog and read it. or not. But I want to document what I'm feeling and going through on good days and bad. Good days so I have something to read back on when I'm struggling and bad so I can look back and find the lesson.
Going on in my brain today is the idea of food as a reward. Get a project done early? Chocolate!! A pat on the head but with a lot more calories. Didn't eat more than one bagel - cream cheese for everyone! It starts as a kid - but as an adult I shouldn't NEED a reward. A job well done should be it's own reward.
But I want chocolate. Or chips. Or a second helping of *fill in the blank* My brian immediately goes to "I DESERVE IT!!" complete with stomping feet and raised voice. Where does this come from? And how do I make it go away? Do I go without or find a substitute. I'm NOT falling for the 'stickers instead of a sucker' crap. And besides, what am *I* going to do with stickers? Hey everyone - look at all my gold stars! 10,000 more and I get a new car...! um. NO. I have to find a way to focus on the goal - that SHOULD be my reward. A body I'm proud of, a wardrobe that fits, nobody criticizing my grocery selection.
In December I did a hypnotherapy session with a great friend of mine. I will go into details another time but for the purpose of my point today, she had me visualize what my body would look like at my ideal weight. I looked down (virtually) and saw it. I had narrow hips, knees that were amazing, leg definition, less busty - I could SEE it. I wish I could plug my brain into a printer and print that image out. And look at it as my reward. Because that WILL be my reward. I want to figure out how to make the image come up in my brain at will so that I can use it to distract and remind myself of the goal.

but for now - it's Friday - and I'm about to face a weekend of eating opportunities. I have been reading about "resistance muscles" (Beck maybe?) and this weekend I will need them. Weekends are challenging for me. too much time and opportunity.

Until next time!


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