Wednesday, February 17, 2010

willpower - everyone's got it!!

Ok - so tonight was our OA group. I still need to get this blog up to speed on how that's going. But just a short entry for tonight: willpower. I've got it and never knew it.
In the group, we're using a book as a guide - not the normal 12 step book, but a Christian centered 12 step book by Mike O'Neil. now don't ask me how I remember his name but not the title (and I'm too lazy to get up and walk 10' into the kitchen and look - or heaven forbid google...but I digress). In it he said something that really hit it out of the park for me - I had an AH HA moment, a giant epiphany.

I have always berated myself for my lack of willpower. Lamented about how difficult it is for me to stay in control of my food. (Day 2: still no chocolate!!)
My excuse has always been my weak willpower. But when I look at the reverse, nothing could be farther from the truth. I have the ability to GET food. Anytime, anywhere. Candy corn in April? I've got my ways. Cadbury Creme eggs (they really should sponsor me!!) in Novmeber - you bet your sweet bippy I can get one. Even when I was at my lowest financially, I always had enough to eat and even overeat. It was during my financial lows that I gained the most weight (nevermind an emotionally abusive marriage and depression - even with THAT going on, I managed). So willpower? I haz it.
Now I have to learn to use my power for good. I have to give myself credit for being strong enough to avoid my trigger foods. To reach my goals. To find my worth and feel worthy.
I have to believe I deserve it. And use my amazing willpower to get there.

I'll leave you with that much for now - tomorrow, step one. I promise.



Tiff said...

Those are some good thoughts lady!

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