Tuesday, February 9, 2010

willpower - who's got it?

Ok - so as I'm wandering through the grocery store tonight (asparagus - NOT cadbury eggs...OMG CADBURY EGGS ARE HERE!!) I have a thought: willpower, mine is weak, that much I'm sure of. It takes all my power NOT to buy impulse food. But for those people who have it - or appear to have it - how do you do it? Is willpower a habit or something learned, or genetic? Are there people out there who just don't CRAVE like I do?

I know a portion of mine is the addiction/obsession part of my brain. I do know the habit can be broken - I've done it. Colas - diet or otherwise. Caffeine too. It's been 5 years (or so? I've lost count) since I've had a diet coke. I was a four liter a day drinker. Holy crap - I just said that out loud. Yup. I had a "problem" with diet coke the same way I have a problem with unhealthy food and over eating. One of my problems is that I am an all or nothing person. 2008 I signed up to do a 5k. At the point when I signed up, I could not run 1/4 mile. Not even 1/8 mile. I did the c25k (couch to 5k) program and the madness began. I ran/walked my first 5k in June. I signed up for a half marathon and completed that in November 2008. I haven't run since. All or Nothing. Geesh.
But I digress...
Willpower (back on topic...) do you have it? It it easy? It sure looks easy - I zig zag towards the cookies in the store - and I'm distracted by the candy at the checkout. I obsess about it afterwards and it takes awhile for the memory of it to fade (did I mention they have CADBURY EGGS on the shelves again...God Help me)

Will there come a day that this won't happen? It doesn't happen for me now with Diet Coke - even when it's the only thing to drink, I don't even take a sip. I don't notice it. I don't blog about it (OK - so I'm talking/blogging about it now - but I'm using it as an example!!). I don't remember at what point I stopped thinking about it.
That gives me hope. I hope that someday, I am as nonchalant about junk food and unhealthy eating as I am about diet coke.
In the meantime I have envy for the people who are there already - and am downright jealous of the people who've never struggled with it (certainly everyone struggles with something - right?)

Meanwhile, I'm counting calories and struggling to walk through a grocery store. baby steps. And it really is just all one day at a time.

Which reminds me - tomorrow is my growth group on food addiction and OA!!
Until then,


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