Sunday, March 21, 2010

good weekend with a bad ending.

My daughter is 16.  She's a few pounds overweight - not many - but a few.  And she's shaped like her dad:  ALL of her weight is in her tummy. 
She's job hunting.  And on top of getting  goal today, she scored a job interview!!  She's slightly tomboyish, likes to wear comfortable clothing and has NOTHING to wear for tomorrow night's interview. 

So we went shopping. 

*insert horror music here*

1 - I hate shopping
2 - she and I butt head over everything
3 - I really hate shopping
4 - I wanted to support her and go shopping with her


My mom was not tactful in being able to tell me as a teen that I was fat and couldn't wear the same clothes as my friends.  I'm afraid I did the same thing to my daughter tonight.  There were tears.  And I feel like such a failure.  She's trying to wear pants that are too small - she gets them to fit by letting her tummy hang over the waistband.  So then every shirt she puts on is NOT flattering.  And the pants don't quite fit right (we're all familiar with "bulging pocket syndrom" - right?)
And I tried to be supportive - I still struggle with buying clothes.  I hate how I look - I totally understand.  But she tried on a dress.  THE dress.  It looked amazing.  It was cotton, it was professional but not "old", it was black and could be dressed up or dressed down later.  But she hated it.  H.A.T.E.D. it.  I tried asking questions.  I tried to figure out what she dind't like.  Was it the dress - the fit, the color, the style?  Was it her body image?  If I was going to be there to help, I needed answers.  I tried walking away.  Nothing helped. 
The only dresses she liked were beach attire.  Cotton jersey knit dresses.  NOT ok for an interview. 
I tried to explain that you don't HAVE to like interview clothes - you wear them for 2 hours and then gratefully slip out of them.  You just have to impress the person you're meeting - and a sun dress isn't going to accomplish that. 
There was no compromising.  And more tears.  And my Mother of the Year trophy was getting farther and farther out of reach.  (OK - I've never been in the running...I admit it fully)
And now she still in her room, trying to figure out how to make t-shirt and jeans look professional. 
And I'm blogging.  Trying to figure out how NOT to be like my mom. 
And there are tears.

Just when I thought nothing was harder than my own weight problem, I realized that watching my daughter's weight problem is worse.  And all I can do is watch. 



Amy said...

Ah, LauraLynne.. (((hugs)))

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world... you are doing your best, girl.. praying you feel better in the morning. Much grace to you.

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

I know exactly how you feel. Although my daughter wasn't over weight, we still fought about what was appropriate clothing for school, work, etc... Hang in there, it gets better when they are in their 20's! By that time you two will actually become friends!

Carmen said...

:-( man this post transported me back to my childhood. EVERYDAY was a struggle for me & my mom. looking back the only saving grace for me (in middle school) was that it was the mid-80's so stretch pants were in style. forget dresses & skirts, the only time i wore them was for weddings or proms.
i have no advice (i'm sorry!) hopefully she can find a pair of dress pants that work!

Laura said...

I have absolutely no advice. I just wanted to tell you to hang in there and as long as you're trying you are not a bad mom. HUGS!!!!

Kelly said...

((HUGS)) I have no advice for such a tough situation. I'm just sorry that you both have to go through this.
Going through something sort of similar with my 14 year old minus the job interview. It's hard. There's such a fine line between helping them get in shape and hurting their feelings. You want to help but it seems like no matter what you say or do it will be hurtful.

For me, I'm trying to teach my daughter how to cook. I'll get out Cooking Light mags and have her look through them to find something she'd like to make. We casually talk about healthy food choices. I also try to help her find activities to burn some calories. Sometimes I'll make a comment about clothes but I don't want to hurt her feelings either. Ugh! It's so tough sometimes!

Good luck to you. Hope the interview goes well and there is a truce in the fashion department. :)