Thursday, March 4, 2010


Last night was another OA meeting. We discussed step 3. It gave me an immense feeling of hope. I feel like all my life I've been addressing symptoms. The weight and my habits are the symptoms. Now I will address the disease. And I feel hope.

I've always referred to myself as an optimistic person. And I've been questioned on it. One particularly negative person (formerly) in my life used to argue with me that it wasn't possible for me to be so positive and upbeat. She was convinced that surely life was not as rosy as I saw it. She's still wrong and I pity her for not being able to find any joy in daily living.

That's not to say I don't get sad. I do! I've spent many of my years clinically depressed. And for a period in my failed marriage, I was put on anti-depressants. They were just what I needed at the time. Even then, I didn’t give up, I found joy where I could and every ray of sunshine that came into my life was noticed and appreciated.

I've since made drastic changes in my life. Starting on the inside. I spoke up for myself and against my insurance company and had gastric bypass. I gained courage and esteem, and lost weight. I gained energy and fortitude. Making those changes gave me the strength to make external changes.

I divorced my abusive husband of 10 years and stopped being the person he needed me to be. I became true to myself. I rediscovered my joy. And I became determined to never let it happen again. It was liberating.

Now I DO have a different outlook on life. Most of the time I'm able to find the up side of things. And last night, while discussing step three, it occurred to me why.

Faith. I haz it. I believe with all my heart that everything will be alright. And I always saw that as being optimistic. Now I see it as what it is. Faith.

It's that faith that will help me through this. Not just the symptoms. Not just the weight, the cravings, the habits and emotions, but all of it. And I am hopeful. Amazingly joyful at the prospect of this journey. As if the disease has finally been identified and the treatment is within my reach.

There's a saying that I love: "everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end"

This IS the beginning. And the end is in sight. God will get me there.



1 comment:

Kerri & Katie said...

Yes He will. Trust in him with all of your heart. He has a plan for you ahead! Jeremiah 29:11. Have a great day!!