Thursday, March 11, 2010

People are starting to notice!!

In the past several days, I have had several people notice my weight loss and shyly ask "have you lost weight?"   I know they're sincere because it's not the schmoosy "you look great - have you lost weight - now that I'm your new BFF, let me tell you about *fill in the blank*"
And I'm thrilled.  I don't see it - and I really need to start taking progress pictures to be ABLE to see it.  But I also have a disconnect between what my brain sees and what the mirror shows.  So I avoid the mirror.  I know my wardrobe is expanding - I can wear jeans I haven't worn in a very long time - I know the jeans I have been able to wear are lose and baggy - I know T-shirts fit differently, I know I even had to buy some new underware.  But I still don't allow myself to celebrate these victories.  So when other people notice it, I allow my brain to celebrate just a tiny bit.  And I'm never quite sure how to respond.  Usually just a simple Thank You and I try and change the subject (I've just never been comfortable being the center of conversation). 
The next question they ask is How much have you lost (I tell them 27) and then they ask "How?!"
Here's where my sarcastic side has to be gagged.  I so badly want to say something like "I only eat foods that match the color of the sky that day" or something equally outlandish.  Something shocking that leaves them thinking "why didn't *I* think of that?!"
But the reality is that in addition to OA, I am on the "this or that math diet" or at least that's how I've come to think of it.  I count calories.  Everything I eat or drink and all (purposefull) exercise.  I don't count walking the extra distance from the back of the grocery parking lot, I don't include getting off the bus 1 or 2 stops early, I only include if I set out to exercise.  Which, truthfully, I haven't done much yet.
So as I'm making my food choices it goes something like:
1 - What sounds good?
2 - How many calories in that?
3 - Can I 'afford' that amount?
4 - Make my choice, sometimes adjusting quantity to fit the meal I crave into my calorie allowance. 

There are meals that are just crap - because they're serving pizza and it smells good.  So I eat 1/2 piece and some vegetables.  And for times that I'm extra hungry, it's large servings of fruits and vegetables along with some protein.  I try and listen to my body when it's hungry.  Then I listen to my brain. 

Slowly things are changing.  I haven't binged since December.  I'm on step 4 in OA (oh boy - revisiting my childhood - I can't think of a worse place to try and recount).  I am losing weight but more than that, I am regaining control.  With God's help. 

So really what I want to say when someone asks me genuinely "have you lost weight?!" is that I found the cure to my disease.  I am a food addict who's trying to change.  And so far, so good, thank you very much. 


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