Sunday, March 28, 2010

what to do when you're!!

Pictures still forthcoming - I promise. 

But as I'm sitting here, having just eaten lunch an hour ago - my kids got home and fixed a very fragrent lunch for themselves.  I find myself hungry again.  But I'm questioning it.  I ate a bowl of soup and a cobb salad for lunch.  About 2 hours ago.  And really I could find a snack and quench my hunger.  But the hungry is bringing back old feelings.  There's a giant bag of candy in the kitchen - I can picture myself eating ALL of it.  There's bread in the freezer - yup.  That's on the list of what I WANT to eat right now.  There's brownie mix, cookie making's and other very tempting things in my house right now. 

I've been doing really well resisting temptation.  Too well.  I'm starting to see the beginning of the end.  The little nibbles that don't make it on my food list - I get over confident and try adding up numbers in my head.  But that devilish side of me - the addicted side of me - rounds numbers down.  forgets about nibbles.  and it's a slippery slope. 

And it's hitting me hard.  I've lost over 30 pounds.  I'm training for a half marathon.  I'm working the steps of OA.  And I guess I expected these feelings to just go away.  But it's only been 12 weeks.  Or fill in the blank.  I suspect that these feelins will never go away.  At least I'm not giving in.  Yet.  But good lord.  They're strong.  And I will have to combat them - over and over. 

I resolve to fix myself a healthy snack to quell the real hunger.  And go for a walk (it's a rest day in my training).  And at some point I have to go grocery shopping for dinner tonight and this week's lunches.  But I won't do it while I'm feeling this way. It would be like walking into a trap.  No thank you. 

And I have blogging awards - I'll do a seperate post on those - after my snack and walk!  :)

Thank to everyone reading this.  It really does make a difference.  YOU really make a difference to me.  Being accountable to those who stumble across my little blog, those who are following along, and for myself actually.  I go back and read my own thoughts and struggles and I learn a little more each time.  And eventually...I will conquer this!! 
I just want to feel normal.  Not on the verge of utter free fall chaos. 



JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

Don't you just love the blog diet? It makes me happy, and it's gotten me through many a bad moment. I love knowing that I'm going to make sure I report any slip-ups or victories.

I hope you had a good walk, and I can't wait to see what awards you got!

Butterfly/Amy said...

It helps me too to blog about my slip ups, to know that I'm confessing them and hope it helps me stay on track.
Today was the first time I've gone grocery shopping and not been hungry when I went, what HUGE difference. I didn't purchase anything that would sabotage things. Hope your day turned out nicely.