Then I went to the room my husband was in and while I was still getting to the bottom of the egg with my tongue (yes - there is a method to how I eat them - it wouldn't be a "ritual" without that!), I saw the animal crackers. I resisted them while I finished my Holy Egg but then helped myself to a half a serving. And then another half a serving. And while I wasn't out of control - I was standing back at the cliff.
We left the room - and church - before I dove off that cliff. We ate at Quizno's for lunch, I skipped the small salad I usually get and only got chicken noodle soup. As we ate, I logged my calories. Still well within reason and that slowly brought me back from the edge. I can still see the edge from where I'm standing, but I'm on firmer ground.
Tonight I did my long run for my half marathon training. I don't want anyone out there to think I'm some super athlete - my training sounds impressive and I'm certainly proud of what I'm doing - but please don't get to the parts where I talk about running and mentally wander off. 'm a slow waddler. I'm carrying lots of exta weight, I don't have a runner's body (26" inseam - hello short waddle strides!), and I'm really pushing my body to it's limits to try and train. I struggle. A lot. And I'm sore as heck tonight. Like almost couldn't stand up from dinner sore!! Thank goodness we were in public and I had to maintain some sort of decorum!! Today's run was 5 miles (opps - just lost a few of you - really, stick with me - I'm still in intervals and running 2 minutes, walking 1 minute - and only walking up the GIANT hill that's on my route). I managed 5 miles in 1 hour 12 minutes. I'm excited that I'm making progress. But I'm more excited that I"m actually DOING it. I'm trying to not give myself options. I have to do this. I'm signed up, I'm racing with my son, I have to do this for my health!!
Ok - so on to dinner tonight. We decided not to sit at home and eat dinner in front of the TV for another night. So we went in search of dinner. First I wanted Italian - we have a good restaurant near the house. But hubby didn't feel like Italian (that's going to be ironic in a minute...). Which was fine - because I had planned to order a giant order of spaghtetti and not look at the nutrition menu. I was staring at the edge again, toes hanging over, breeze blowing at my back....
We kept driving and we ended up passing over Red Robin (burger patty and broccolli is my standard healthy choice there) and he parked in the Olive Garden parking lot. I was nervous but I steeled myself. I got the menu - and the nutrition menu. I started 'shopping' from the calorie menu. And I used my IPhone ap to figure out how many calories I had earned by running tonight. I had LOTS of calories (I earned over 800 from running!!) but I didn't want to use all of them. So I got soup (Zuppa Toscana), breadsticks WITHOUT the butter (did you know you can order them like that?!), and salad with no dressing. A had 2 breadsticks, 1 and a half bowls of soup, and the salad. 600 calories. An amount I was willing to accept as reasonable.
So I made it. Faced the cliff and backed away. This time. I realize that I have to take it challenge by challenge, day by day. But today I won.
Happy Easter everyone!