Monday, April 26, 2010

This one's about food...mostly

I have a confession...I've been focusing on my running to much that I've let my food choices, well, they're not horrible but I've definately slid a little.  I keep allowing myself little treats - a bit of chocolate here, a hand full of M&M's there, grazing at a family birthday party - and last night 1/2 a small blizzard. 

Ok - not enough to kill me or even set me back much.  But I recognize the signs.  I'm eating when I'm not hungry, giving in to cravings, making excuses (did you know that running 9.36 miles burns 2035 calories - I mean come on - who wouldn't want to use a few of those on something indulgent?!)

But this journey is only periphrially about weight loss.  It's mostly about addiction.  My addiction.  To food.  And my journey to a normal relationship with food and eating.  And I've slid a little.  And I've justified it by saying it's not as bad as it could be.  But if I'd blogged - or journaled - during the past efforts - I would likely see the same pattern.  It all starts so innocently.  And I think I've got things under control.  And then a wave hits and knocks me feet out from under me.  And I find myself drowing in all of it again.

Well not this time.  I'm headed for higher ground.  I'm nipping this behavior in the bud NOW.  No more sugar this week.  And deliberate - planned - eating.  No grazing.  No impulsive food.  And back to logging.  NO MORE GUESSTIMATING.  That works fine.  Until I hit my calories for the day. Then I just stop adding and somehow my brain thinks that's ok.  Like the calories I ignore won't be absorbed.  Ya, right.

Ok - so there it is.  I've been focusing a lot on the running - which I realize is not what a lot of my followers care about (mainly anyway...) but I've been ignoring the food part.  Which is the most important part.  And I've confessed - to both you and to myself. 

And I'll just watch from up here as the waves sweep in and I'm working on my addiction from the top of the hill. 


1 comment:

Summer said...

I know what you mean. All those little extra bites add up.