Monday, May 24, 2010

Onederland - the details!

Ok - so first a confession:  I'm still weighing every day.  I just can't stop!!  end. of. story. 

So instead I'm going to learn to not let the number affect me as much.  *shrug* trying something new, that's what this is all about right?

So - this week I've been sitting firmly at 200.0 - day and in and day out.  So close!!

Friday morning, I got on the scale and WOOT WOOT:  199.0 
I was pretty excited - it finally looks like I've lost weight.  I mean - duh - I've lost weight.  But that 1 in front, that really hit home with me.  It validated my efforts. 

I know I know - I shouldn't be so tied to a number.  Call the direct line to my brain and tell *IT* that for me, please.  Unfortunately that number's unlisted - even to me. 

I am going to try something new.  I will be doing self affirmations every day.  I will find 5 nice things to say about the person staring me back in the mirror.  I will do it out loud.  And I will be sincere.
I want to be like this girl:

Saturday morning, the scale was still under 200 - same Sunday - and same today. 

I spent part of the weekend going through my clothes.  I now have a large bag of clothes to donate - they just do NOT fit anymore.  I have a closet full of clothes that fit - and flatter.  And I have a box of clothes that I WILL wear as I drop more pounds.  I won't wear baggy clothes, I will have pride in my appearance. 
Fake it until you make it, right? 

Now, don't get me wrong, I know I'm working hard and I'm seeing the results.  I'm still struggling with allowing myself to take the credit for it, I still don't feel entirely worthy of the praise.  But I'm working on it. 

Our pastor talked this weekend about forgiveness.  About making a list of the people who have hurt you.  There were 3 steps.  Identify the people and write them down.  then you determine what they owe you.  Your childhood, a sum of money, an apology.  whatever it is, write it down.  The third step - and this is the one that was like a sucker punch - was to cancel their debt.  Cross it out.  You cannot force them to pay - justice is not yours.  Justice will come, but not from you.  Powerful message.  I'm not sure why anyone else came to church on Sunday, surely that message was only for me, right?  ;)

Interestingly - and timely - was the fact that at the first OA meeting I went to, they read step 9 out loud.  Now, I'm  not there yet...obviously...but step 9 is the making amends one.  About identifying the people you've harmed with your addiction and making amends.  I saw the similarity on Sunday when I heard the pastor's talk:  Same message, different source.  I hear you loud and clear Lord, thank you. 

Stay tuned for more news on the OA meeting - back to work with me for now!



Tricia said...


Lindsay said...

How awesome! Congratulations :)

Drazil said...

You are doing soo great!

Crystal said...

i wish i could go back to being a little girl too!! especially that one with all those curls - how CUTE! can't wait to hear more about the oa meeting... i haven't been back to one...

RockStarTri said...

Great accomplishment. Keep up the good work.

Laura said...

Left you an award on my blog!

Laura said...

One more thing, I saw this quote and thought of your blog about forgiveness so had to come back and post it:

"To live carrying around unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

Lesia said...

So glad I found your blog. Love your thinking. Are you sure we are not related? In my religion we call that repentance and yes it really does work. Congrats on breaking that 200. I remember that excitement myself. Look forward to following you. smile.

Vegemommy said...

I wish you lived near me (Nebraska). I am 228 and would probably fit perfectly into all those excess clothes...until I lose more weight, that is. Someone needs to link all the weight-loss blogs and develop a clothing share to swap as we lose. Great idea, yes?