Saturday, May 15, 2010

*sigh* I was doing so good too...

so - to recap my goals:
So - today - 12 mile training run. *check* I did 10 miles - ran out of time. 

Tomorrow - day off to grocery shop, meal plan, run, take care of business  *sort of check* I got a lot done for my husband, some laundry, made it to the post office - didn't get MY stuff done but was busy all day long (I could really use more Friday's off - it was glorious!)

Saturday - errands, OA, double header baseball game and pick up race packet *well, sigh* I got up at 4am to get my husband out the door - he was volunteering for a local car club - fell back asleep just in time for him to barge in and rummage around - he couldn't find his wallet.  Fell back asleep and woke to the alarm - headed down to our shop to let a friend in - he was working there for the day. 
Goofed around on the office computer while waiting (I was early).  Headed home for another hour sleep before leaving for OA meeting.  Woke up by husband telling me that the webpage that I shut down on the computer was VITAL to the painter so I threw my sweats back on, headed back down and then back home.  It's now 8am. 
And I'm supposed to be LEAVING for the OA meeting. 

Jumped in the shower, covered the basics, and ran out the door dripping but dressed.  Figured I would still go - just be a little late.  I'm pulling up the map on my phone only to realize I have like 9% battery left.  nearly there and I get a FRANTIC phone call from my son - his sister's going to be late for driver's ed.  She shows up on call waiting and I hang up on my son just to get angry and yell at her.  Now I'm in tears.  What a morning.  I find the building, clean up my face, and try to find the entrance.  The meeting is already 15 minutes underway, I'm absolutely terrified of walking in and I walk around the entire building trying to figure out which entrace I could use. 

I'm in tears again (what the heck - I'm NOT a cryer?!).  I end up back in my car just sobbing.  I'm so frustrated, angry, disappointed, and in full victim mode.  I'm so frustrated with giving 100% to making sure everyone else gets what they need.  I'm so angry that I can't seem to express how important my needs are.  I'm disappointed because I realize *I* don't put myself first.  And victim mode?  In my house, PMS stands for "Pity Me Syndrom" 

I got the crying under control (OMG - I'm NOT a cryer!!) and I headed home.  Here's a great positive though - I did NOT want food.  Just the opposite.  I had no appetite and I reconized that I wasn't hungry.  I drove past several convinience stores and fast food places and didn't have to talk myself out of going. 
I headed home and went back to bed.  Slept until 11 (it was 9:30 by the time I got back home again) and then ran my son to baseball, got lost and enjoyed it, finally picked up my race packet, and back to the baseball game. 
I missed most of the first game but given that it was a double header, I wasn't in any hurry. 
So - 2 games later and I'm at home, eating a high carb dinner (YUM) and looking up info for tomorrow's race.  On the schedule for tomorrow - Race, manicure, pedicure and maybe even a nap!!  then church.  All things I WANT to do and only for ME!


Thanks for letting me get that all off my chest. 



She-Fit said...

Awh, I'm sorry you had such an emotional day! Good luck with the race though. You are going to do great

Julie said...

Sounds like a bad day!! Tomorrow will be better! You are so right, take care of you!!!

Lindsay said...

AWWW gotta love emotions! Tomorrow will be a better day! Smiles :)

Aylilth said...

Sometimes a good cry is all we need.

Enjoy the mani and pedi!!!

that TOPS lady said...

Girl, you really ARE handled a lot today. MAKE some time for you. Turn your phone off. Be unavailable. You are worth it.