Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Lost: mojo. Motivation. Will to run.

Man. I have been doing so great. Running, swimming, moving! And eating is improving. I'm working through issues. And most of the time, I feel pretty good about it. Sometimes even great!!
Not tonight.
Let me set the scene....

This is greenlake. Beautiful, nice 2.7 mile flat track for running around it. And tonight I'm on time, remembered everything, found parking and I'm ready to go. Start my music, set the gps and start my first lap. Plan is 2 laps before the group gets here and then a leisurely third lap. I've been doing 12 min/miles and thrilled with that progress. Tonight I wanted to see a few 11.xx splits (my gps is set to announce time/miles/speed every 3 minutes).
As I set out, there were a few ponytail was loose, there's a grain of something in my shoe, and I'm just a little "out of sorts". So I walk a short distance and fix my pony. Decide the grain in my shoe isn't untie/fix/retie worthy and keep on running. My first split isn't great but included the walking to fix my hair.
The next split was still well over 13. What the hell??
It got Ugly in my brain. I kept running thinking maybe it was just equipment malfunction. Next split still sucked. And my brain got the better of me. I ran most but not all of the next couple splits and finally started walking and called my husband.
"I'm in a funk - I can't run anymore!!"

It was like someone took the wind out of my sails. And attached a giant anchor to my backside.

Hubby was busy at work and said he had to call me back. So I kept walking and tried to figure out what my issue was....I'm dressed, hydrated, good nutrition - in other words nothing physically the matter.
Mental was another story.

I was just bummed. And wanted to quit. And a million other negative thoughts. So I finished walking the loop and now I'm waiting for my kids and the one person at church who signed up for this running group (insert more negative thoughts *here*)
I will run another lap. And leave the ]^]%{*}+}=}*]^]% gps off.

But I want to post this. Not for sympathy but for my own "it just happens sometimes" reference. It's been worse. I'm not turning to food - didn't even cross my mind actually. Which, if I were going to be positive at all about something...well, that's as goons anything!!

Back to running....

1 comment:

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Some days it just be's that way...