Thursday, October 14, 2010

Thursday - exhausted...but still marching along!

This morning was boot camp again - I'm loving it!  I'm committed to going - no "when ever/where ever" workouts which are easy to postpone (I haven't cancelled any but I've delayed a few - my schedule is WICKED!).  There are different levels of intensity offered at bootcamp and today I stepped it up.  Day 1 I was a little worried about not being able to finish the class or looking weak.  Today I threw all that out the window.  I'm not there to impress anyone, it's fairly likely that not one person in that class gives a hoot about my fitness level.  So this morning I gave it 100%.  Owie. 


But I'm thrilled - I pushed it, I did well - and I'm sore to prove it.  I'm going to have to write down all the routines so that when my 6 week trial is up, I can commit to doing it myself.  None of it is complicated or difficult - they're all basic moves.  Squats, lunges, sprints, planks.  All good for the core, all can be done in my living room!

tonight I need to swim and bike - swim's going to be tough to get in as I have to go to the shop and do the books and payroll. So there's a chance the swim session will be over by the time I get free to go swim.  But then I'll just do tomorrow's run today and swim in the morning.  I'm flexible that way...

my body image issues are looking brighter as well.  I beginning to look for the "good" spots in the mirror rather than seeking the flaws.  I have a bounce in my step and my confidence is glowing.  most of the time anyway.  I'm still on guard though.  I still wake up and expect to see 240 on the scale when I step on.  My brain has that image seared in - I'm still not fully giving myself credit for the first 45 pounds gone.  But I feel hopefull.  At least right now.  And that's what I choose to focus on. 

One of today's themes in Blogland is how to raise our children to not make the same food/weight mistakes we did.  I'm living that nightmare.  At 5'-1" and 177 pounds, I'm not sure how my 16 year old is going to be fit enough to play soccer for her team starting next month.  And I fear that the let down of that will send her into a negative spiral.  And I'm aware that I'm projecting.  She and I can't talk about weight - we try, we really do.  But it gets ugly.  At 16, her mom doesn't know anything.  Just ask her.  And at 42, I know a lot more than she thinks I do.  It's hard when you've been down that path - when you know where it leads.  And when you see all that potential walking that same path.  And all the warning, lessons, speeches, motivation, and role modeling doesn't seem to deter her from heading down there.  I'm at a loss.  I've thought about how my mom could have helped me and I draw a total blank.  The best I can do is be there for her.  Continue to try and talk to her.  And to let her know just how UNCONDITIONAL my love for her is.  It is not tied to her weight, her esteem, her fitness level or anything else.  It will always be there.  And hopefully it's that love that will get through to her.  I pray that to be true.  In the end, the choice is hers.  And that hurts to watch.  But she's smart - she'll learn.  And hopefully in less time than it took me.

Ok.  Back to work with me!

Tomorrow:  Blog awards and Friday weigh in!


PS - can someone help me with how to make a cute signature to put at the bottom of my posts?  I know it needs to be a jpg but how do I make one??


The Me Within said...

I mentioned you in my blog tonight **hugs**

Patrick said...

"I'm not there to impress anyone"

Get that printed on a t-shirt and that should be your work out shirt. I love it... you are not there to impress anyone but you. Just you. If anyone else is impressed, bonus for them.

Your daughter... keep being there, yes, that is what you need to do. I have 4 teenagers and they hear my words of wosdom allot. ANd I know they filter much of it out. I did when i was there age. But some does get through.

Don't underestimate their memory power. the most important piece of knowledge you have for them may not be accepted today when you share it, but, it will get filed away in the noggins, and then one day near or far far away they will summon it and use it. You are parenting not just for the here and now, but for now and beyind.

SeattleRunnerGirl said...

As a recovering teenager, I can tell you that what you say and DO in front of your daughter will make more of a lasting impact on her than you may ever know. So be encouraged in that.

What boot camp do you go to?