Friday, December 10, 2010

a few more details about what's going on...

It's been a killer couple of weeks - some medical decisions that were stressful (but all A-OK now), a new puppy, a very sick puppy, a nearly dead puppy and 3+ nights of no sleep.

Stress has been at an all time high.  And while that's no excuse - well, it's BEEN my excuse.  I've been just out of control enough to feel guilty.  But not gain weight.  But realize some very important things.  I am a food addict.  And I'm not sure - no - I AM sure: That will never change.  I can continue to try and control it.  And I will try and control it 100% of the time.  But there are times that I will relapse.  And like all addicts, what counts is picking myself up and starting over again.  I'm hanging steady at 192.0 - which on one hand is good on the other hand it's telling my brain that the junk I'm eating won't make me gain weight (BULLCRAP it won't!)  I haven't been working out - I've been exhausted in the true medical sense of the word. 

But I know that working out leads to better sleep which leads to all sorts of great things.  So tonight I will work out - by bleaching my whole house. 

which leads me to our puppy story. 
We brought home a rescue puppy on Tuesday Nov. 30.  She's an 8 week old boxer pup.  She and our 3.5 year old boy boxer get along famously!! Sunday night she started throwing up.  And had stinky, liquid poo (sorry...that's gross).  We thought it was her getting adjusted to new food, new surroundings, and maybe she got into something she shouldn't have.  Monday still throwing up but still 100% puppy energy so we figured it wasn't anything serious.  That changed when Monday night to Tuesday morning her energy disappeared, the throwing up got worse and so did the other end.  First thing Tuesday we took her to the vet - diagnosis:  Parvo.  Deadly.  Serious.  The first vet wanted to hospitalize her and rehydrate.  I went to our other vet and begged them to teach me how to administer the sub Q IV and treat her at home.  Not only couldn't we justify the $2000+ for the first vet, but the home health care she would be with people who loved her round the clock. 

Today she's still not out of the woods - but she's still with us.  I'm doing the IV, anti-biotics, and anti-emetics through the night while my husband does them during the day.  I'm exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I know this will all be worth it.  She will either pass knowing she is loved and cared for or she will fight her way back to health and know she is loved and cared for.  And eventually I'll get some sleep.

so while I'm off the wagon, the wagon is still in sight.  And I will climb back on and ride it off into the sunset - hopefully with a puppy galloping along side. 

I vow to start blogging more - that is one of the keys to my recovery.  Staying focused and accountible.  It's far to easy to hide under the covers with a pice of chocolate than it is to know that you're going to make your story - sins and all - public. 

So stay tuned, thanks for hanging in there with me - and let's DO this!



Amy @ Findingfitme said...

Parvo sucks. I used to tkae care of parvo pups all the time. I wish you the best. Not gaining is a victory.

Sarah said...

Hey there my puppy had parvo just like yours and I too did home health care with her and she is an amazing 13month old now. Stay strong and true and she will love you for a very long time.